Would I like a do-over? Of one moment in 2013? Heck yeah! Only I'd like a do-over of the entire year, because a moment won't cut it. What I'd like to do over is the way I've handled my decision to move to California, and the entire process of moving. Because now I'm up to my eyeballs in boxes and choices and anxiety and feel like I waited until the last second for everything. And there are still things I'm undecided about! How insane is that?
If I could do it over again, knowing what I know now, I'd chill out a little. A lot. Especially around worrying about what everyone else will think. It's my life, my decision, my family situation. I made the decision I thought would be best for me and my family now and going forward. If someone doesn't like it or thinks I'm making a mistake, they're entitled to their opinion, but it's my decision to make. Just because someone has a different opinion doesn't need to mean that I am necessarily making a mistake or that I'm somehow a disappointment as a person (crazy, I know). I would own my decision and tell people about it a lot earlier than I did, and focus on the positive things I hope to gain.
I'd take less time between leaving my job and actually moving. I took a luxuriously long "vacation" from work, and to be honest I'm really ready to go back. I thought I'd use the time to prepare for the move, but mostly I lounged around and procrastinated to the point that I'm scrambling at the end. Inexcusable.
Finally, I'd have scheduled the move for earlier in the year. I adore fall here and wanted to experience it one more time, but it has meant that I have to move in the dead of winter, which is kind of stupid for a bunch of reasons. Things are generally easier to do when you're not fighting winter weather, shorter days and seasonal lethargy. Not to mention the holidays.
To do this over again without the ambivalence and bad planning would be great, and wouldn't it be nice to re-experience summer.
Actually, what I'd really like is a do-over of the last ten years....
I hear you about the last 10 years. I'd like a reboot starting at 2009. And you know--you have to be kinder to yourself, because your process is your process. Maybe your psyche really needed the extended leave taking from your home of so many years. Procrastination in the face of something so monumental is totally excusable and probably even necessary.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is easy for others to second guess our decisions. They don't know what it looks like on the inside. They don't have all the information so they can't actually give an informed opinion. That is, in my opinion!
Oh, thank you for this! I really did need a long leave taking, and have been beating myself up for it. I'm only now understanding that I'll never be totally accepting of what's happening, and will just have to live with the angst and ambivalence.
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