I haven't been very good about Project Reverb. I probably shouldn't have taken it on--the timing has not been the best. The move happened right in the middle of the month, and now... I've made the move and am completely overwhelmed with trying to get settled, but not settle, if that makes sense.
So, jumping right in to day 22, Reverb13 asks what uphill battle I fought in 2013, did I keep fighting or let it go? Well... I suppose I fought with myself over whether or not to move, then decided to do it, and agonized over my decision. And now that it's done and I'm here, I'm still wondering whether it was the right thing to do. So I guess I'm still fighting. I am definitely still fighting, because even though I'm overwhelmed and feel like I could become really despairing over having left a city I love for a situation that is not ideal, I know that I must make the best of it.
There is plenty of good to be had here, and I can make this situation worthwhile and even good. I can learn and grow, and find things and places and people that will be wonderful. Part of why I chose to do this is for a fresh start, and I want to hold onto that dream and make it a reality.
I just need to take a deep breath, and realize that I'm still running this show. I can make choices that will take me where I want to go, or let myself become despondent and depressed, and full of regret. There is goodness to be found every day, even if it's something small. I love being closer to my sister, and there are many people here who are rooting for me and support me in this.
Right now is the hardest part, it will pass and I will find my feet.
You will find your way and your place. This was a hard decision but it could be and I think will be a fresh and amazing change. And you know what? There is nothing...really..that says you can't reverse your decision. This is not set in stone, even if you need to be there for awhile. That is what I told myself about moving back to where I grew up and for the most part it has been good. You know, we may move again too! You just never know what is around the corner.
ReplyDeleteAlso--I stopped with reverb on the 21st. That's when Kat McNally stopped hers and there was just too much going on to continue (and I had less than you!) . It served its purpose though--I purged the ugliness and that was needed. So don't kick yourself, just do what you can do--no requirements on you right now!
I really look forward to reading your adventures.
Realizing--really getting--that I can reverse my decision has been huge in making this feel better for me. And that only happened a few days ago. It's still my life, my choice, and I can move back if this doesn't work out for me--if I'm really unhappy. I plan to check in in about 6 months, again in a year, and so on. I think I need to for sure give it a full year. Plus, there is the situation with Mom, and my being here at this time is extremely helpful for everyone involved. But yeah--my life, my decision!
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