Day 19: Myself, One Year Ago

One year ago I was coming down the home stretch at a contract job I was doing, that would end just before Christmas. I was also coming to the end of the relationship I was in which, according to the paper journal I keep, weighed heavily on my mind on this day one year ago. I had decided that it wasn't working, and wouldn't work in the long run. It was a miserable time.

The reason I let go was that I simply wasn't getting what I needed emotionally. I'm at a place in my life where I'm looking for connection, support, and companionship in a huge way, and that sense of deep connection wasn't there for me. I can't imagine that he was getting what he needed from me either. By this time, I was checked out of the relationship, preparing to exit.

I wish I'd been better and braver. I wish I'd let go months before I did; it would have been kinder to both of us, I think.