Oh, this is easy. The bravest thing I did is decide to move to California, and actually commit to that. It's incredibly scary, even now with just a couple of weeks to go. I'm overwhelmed, and part of me does NOT want to go. It's a leap into the less-known. I won't say unknown because a lot of what I'm going to is familiar. But there are many new beginnings to make. And although that is part of why I decided to do this, it's terrifying. I want it to be exciting, but mostly it scares the heck out of me.
I fought with myself over whether or not to do this, over and over again. Was I being selfish living far away? Was there a way to be there for my family and keep my life in Seattle? Would I be throwing my life away if I moved? These were the questions I kept asking myself, and in the end I decided that I didn't want to live apart from my family during this time, and that I wanted to be there for my sister who has had to bear the day-to-day of this. Also, I didn't want my relationship with my mother to just drift away. Already it seems like our relationship has faded. That is not what I want. I want to participate in the only family life I have, and participate fully.
I worried like crazy about what everyone would think. I still do. Some people think I'm crazy, that I'm making a mistake. Maybe I am, but this is what I've decided. And if it's true that we are not slaves to fate, I will have a say in what happens. I can create something new and fresh, and shape my future as this unfolds.
Maybe this is just the next chapter? I was warned against moving to Fayetteville and it has been mostly a good experience. While I/we wouldn't do the Chicago move over again I would do this one. We have discussed moving to Oregon at some point. I think people are just more mobile than they used to be possibly don't you?
ReplyDeleteI think that the idea of moving back "home" is triggering for a lot of people, and it's hard for them not to project onto your situation what that would mean for them. Also, I've had to deal with the assumption that I'm going down there to be her caregiver in the nursing sense, which is not true at all.
DeletePeople are definitely more mobile! It has it's good and bad points. I've loved my life here, but there have been times when I've lamented being far away from family, especially recently. The decision to move here has definitely had consequences, as do all of our choices.
Wouldn't it be cool if we lived closer to each other at some point?? :-)
Moving back home was very difficult in some ways and very easy in others. Deceptively easy. For me the most treacherous part was also one of the best--you expect people and they expect you to be the same you that left so many years ago.You, and they..are not. My big mistake was becoming that person again for awhile. Which occasionally still happens.
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