C is for caregiving. I am currently caring for my mother, who has Alzheimer's. It's not easy. When I moved in with her, I really had no idea how stressful it would be. I knew that she was probably further along than we thought, but I was not prepared for how much further. And I can't believe how quickly things have changed in the three or so months I've been here.
There is so much to manage! My day starts with fixing her breakfast (and feeding the cats, but that's a different story) and ends with getting her to bed. I make sure she gets her medications, I prompt her to get dressed in the morning and into her pajamas at bedtime. I also do a lot of housework, schedule and take her to appointments, manage the day-to-day expenses, and in general run our household.
I do have help; we have hired a caregiver from an agency that comes in for a few hours each day during the week. When she is here I run errands (can't leave Mom alone in the house for long), do paperwork, and take time for myself to have coffee, go out to lunch, take a nap or read. If there's something I want or need to do outside of the regular schedule, I can get that covered too. I don't know what people do who can't get respite care. I would go insane. This situation can be very isolating and discouraging, and I deeply appreciate the people who support us in this.
Tomorrow I'm taking her to a place that has a day program for adults with dementia. I hope it goes well--she seems bored a lot of the time, and I think it will be good for her to have structured, appropriate activity and social opportunities, and to be out of the house. And it's time for me to create some space for myself to tend to my own needs, possibly find some work, and to think about what's next.
Your mom is so very lucky to have you to take care of her. I'm glad you are able to get support. Hopefully you are able to do things then that you need to care for yourself.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by, Donna! I am/we are lucky that I'm able to take time out to do this for a while, as it's really helping our family (my sister and me) financially, and in terms of keeping Mom at home for as long as is feasible.
DeleteIt's temporary, and sometimes that thought alone gives me a sense of relief and being able to keep going. I'm hoping that the day program will allow me to focus on self-care more.
Christine, first I must say thank you for stopping by and visiting my blog today and YES you do need a Reiki treatment :) I can't tell you enough how I admire what you're doing. I was a CNA for 7 years and am now possibly going to be taking care of my Mother-in-Law also for the same reason and I am freaking out. Crazy, I know! I did it for so long, but full-time is another story. Your doing an amazing thing and definitely deserve time for yourself... Sending light & love your way...
ReplyDeleteIt would be crazy if you weren't freaking out a little! It's hard work, and emotionally and physically draining. The stress can be relentless, and self-care has a way of slipping down the to-do list.
DeleteYou're right, I DO need Reiki! Luckily I live in a progressive small town, so I should be able to find a practitioner nearby.
Christine, I had no idea you were care-giving your Mother. I haven't had personal experience of this but I know several special people who have cared for Alzheimer parents and how stressful this is. Yes you are lucky to have home care for a few hours a day which I guess takes some of the sting out of it but still ... to witness one's own mother must be so so hard. If you check out my blog page you will see a link on the rhs - this should take you to a friend of mine who has written about care-giving her own mother. I am saying this without double checking that it will get you there - I will check once I've sent this, and if not will send you the correct link.
ReplyDeleteAll best.
Garden of Eden Blog
Yes, it gets you there - salmonsaladandmozart ...
ReplyDeleteThanks, I will take a look. It's always helpful to read about other people's experiences, makes me feel like I'm not so alone.
DeleteI've come to a place of acceptance about Mom's decline, although it does hit me sometimes, still. We're way better off now than we were when we first got her diagnosed. We had no idea what to do then; now we're more adept at dealing with it. And you do become more accepting over time. At least I have.
Being a caregiver is one of the hardest and selfless jobs there is. My parents took care of my grandma for 8 years. She passed away two weeks ago. During those 8 years, I watched them miss out on life, and put their needs and wants on the back burner. You will be richly blessed for your time, love, and compassion.
ReplyDeletehello Christine - I'm a part time caretaker for my parents, 90 and 93, and I can so relate to your post here. Caretaking is so emotionally draining. My faith is what gets me through. I write about this topic frequently on my blog, Adventures in the Ballpark. I have a category called The Greatest Generation that is about my folks and my heart regarding helping them. It's very helpful to share with other caretakers. come visit me, if you'd like. My blog: http://adventuresintheballpark.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for stopping by, and for your comment. I'll head over to your blog for sure. :-)
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