OctPoWriMo Day 16 prompt: Things left unsaid

Today's prompt is, sort of, about regrets. At least that's how I interpreted it. It's about things you didn't say and now can't, things you wanted to say but never did... all of those things. I have plenty of these scattered over the decades of my life, but one relationship stands out. I'm haunted by the apology I so want to give to him, but I will almost certainly never have the chance, as time and geographical distance now separate us. I don't know where he is now, but, to put it plainly, I'm sorry.

~~~

Regrets

I'm sorry.

So, so sorry.

I wish I could 

go back and

love you like

I should have.

Like you deserved.

I'll never forget 

your face

that time I called

you Darling. 

It just

slipped out.

I didn't mean it, 

except that 

I did.

Why, oh why

couldn't I 

reciprocate your

feelings?

I actually think 

I did,

and that was 

the problem.

It got too good, and

I got too scared. 

And you paid  

the price for me 

being broken.

My heart was broken, and

you were brokenhearted.

Sorry about that. 

I wish I could have been 

the one.

Sometimes I wonder if

you were.

I wish I could go back

and be better. 

I loved you as much as

that confused and scared

young girl could. 

Enough that how I 

hurt you now hurts 

me, over and over

and over

when I think

of how

we were.

I imagine

how you must 

hate me,

as I've grown to 

hate myself

for the way I was

to you.

I'm

sorry. It's not

enough, not

nearly, but

it's all 

I'll never get

to say.